God Willing - For #2

Izzy's almost two years old now, and B and I have been talking about giving her a sibling. I come from a big family with 4 kids, so I genuinely believe that a sibling is the best gift that we as parents can give to Izzy. B is an only child, but despite his insistence that "no, he was not lonely",  we both agree that we want another child.

Izzy was our IVF miracle, and since early this year, we have been trying to do another frozen embryo transfer using the 3 "do-re-me" embryos leftover from Izzy's batch. Unfortunately,  when we started trying, the doctor diagnosed me with Asherman's syndrome. In a simple medical nutshell, I had adhesions in my womb as a result of the emergency D&C post Izzy's natural delivery, when the placenta got retained inside. The adhesions prevented my uterine lining from growing sufficiently thick to host any embryos.

I have gone for two hysteroscopy procedures since to clear the adhesions, and cancelled as many IVF cycles, due to insufficient lining thickness. Eight months of swallowing hormones later (I suffer from blue-pill-phobia), I am happy to announce that I have finally gotten the green light to do the embryo transfer tomorrow!

Woohoos aside, to be very honest, I still worry because my lining is only 7.4mm, which is barely over the minimum 7mm which my doctor needs to proceed with the transfer. For the past two weeks, I have tried everything Doctor Google tells me can help to boost lining growth: Acupuncture, raspberry leaf tea, pork bone soups, even fertility yoga. I know I need to thank God that the lining did manage to grow over 7mm this time around (last 2 times I was stuck on 4.9mm and 5.5mm and had to cancel the cycles). But instead, I can't seem to get get past the "why cannot grow thicker" thought gnawing in my head - I am just a ball of nerves and anxiety now.

Perhaps it's because I've invested so much time and effort these past 8 months, that failure would really be a hard hit. Every  embryo transfer brings so much hope, and that PUPO - "Pregnant until proven otherwise" status just elevates me higher for a harder hit should I fall.

I need to just relax and leave it in His hands.

Wish me luck guys. Hopefully I'll bring good news on Izzy version 2 soon.