4dp5dt - BFN It's Early Yet, Still Hopeful

So the FET happened last Thursday and POAS addict I am (though it's been a while), I couldn't resist and broke out one of my clear blue HPTs today. So much for telling myself not to test too early and to wait for at least 6dp5dt so I don't get unnecessarily disappointed.

A stark white BFN!

No matter how hard I squinted or turned the stick towards the light - nada, no second line.

Here are my symptoms to-date:

0dp5dt - came home from the hospital with a dull tummyache. Was a bit constipated from the prog supps, thinking it's likely due to that. I ran to the toilet about 3 - 4 times but it doesn't seem to help ease the ache.

1dp5dt - More tummyache, or wait, could these be cramps? I'm one of those lucky ones who never ever get period cramps so I honestly cannot tell the difference between the two. Dr Google suggests cramps if it's lower down - hmm ok it's cramps then. Friday night so went to watch "Suicide Squad" with the hubs. Pretty violent show, not sure if it was good to put my precious embie (we only put in ONE) through it but I enjoyed the movie. Is it my imagination or did I have a sharp twinge on the left ovary area as we walked to the cinema?

2dp5dt - There was a bit of pink on the progesterone residue (sorry TMI) when I wiped this morning. Was thrilled to think it might be implantation bleeding, until the clinic nurse told me it was more likely irritation from all the prog supps I'm stuffing up myself. I sank from cloud ten pretty darn quickly there.

3dp5dt - No symptoms except for cramps again, especially before bed. Again, futile attempts to the toilet to relieve the ache. Hmm I really hate all the hormones I'm on. It was a happy Sunday though - we brought Izzy out to the Park and some indoor playground and she had a blast. I am reminded how lucky I am to have her - even if this fails and she's all I have, I'm darned blessed already.

4dp5dt - As mentioned, tested this morning and BFN. No more cramps, just feeling moody from hormones overload and had a fight with the Hubs over some finance matters. Feeling like a monster and he clearly doesn't understand that he should have just steered clear of these discussions during this period.

I know it's still a bit early in the game to test and I shouldn't read too much into the BFN now. But then, I see all those early BFPs people are getting online and I think :" Why not me?" This, plus all the discomfort from my raging hormones are really getting me down.