Father in Heaven

Dear Lord Jesus

Comfort me tonight.

When we acknowledge that You love us infinitely more than our spouse is obliged, our expectations are blessed. Bless us to know the difference between intentional hurt and mistaken words. Forgive us for holding our husbands accountable for a love that we can only receive from You, Father. A love that sent Jesus to the cross to pay for our sins. 

The world surrounds us with reminders of lonely people. And though we sometimes feel alone in married life, we are not. You have blessed us with another person to walk through this life with. There are many hard times, but also many good. Thank You for the blessings You bestow on our lives. You did not build this world on fading feelings, and those moments that crumble upon our backs are fleeting. Our enemy prowls, seeking to destroy. Uphold us under attack, and stir our hearts to run to You in prayer for the survival of our marriages. 

Father, You are love. We are not. Help us to remember that it’s not our job to get it right all of the time. We are created in Your image but we are not You and cannot love, or receive love, perfectly. Bless our marriages with a camaraderie of seeking You above each other, in trust that You hear us, love us, and are capable of the impossible. Send Your Spirit to guide us in daily prayer for our husbands and our marriages. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Torn

 And they fought. We fought.

The second told me
I did not love her enough
To her I gave the first my all
She did not realise
How defeated I felt by her tears
It seems I can never be enough

The first told me
Mummy you tried your best
To her I was tired
She might have realised
As I scolded them for fighting
That I really did not have enough

That moment I wanted to walk away
The next I needed them to know I loved them

So helplessly
So inadequately.

Old Already

It's easy to take things for granted. Back when I was 28, I smoked, drank like a fish, partied incessantly and felt invincible. Stayed out till 4am last night and had to get into work at 9am today? Not a problem 3 cups of coffee couldn't solve.  Twisted my ankle dancing in high heels? Oh, it'll heal in a few days, nothing to worry about. Back then I never worried about whether my body was "doing alright".

Fast forward ten years, it's an entirely different story now. Body aches if I stay out past 2am. There's truth in the saying that "old people wake up early", I automatically wake up at 7am now and can't go back to sleep. The last time I went clubbing, the club was empty at 11pm and I left at 12pm (or was it earlier) before a queue had even formed outside.

 
What will life at 48 be like for me? Hmm.
 

Get Up and Try Again

I went for a lovely funeral memorial service on Monday. A family member of a close friend has suddenly died, and my friend and her family were clearly shocked and distraught. The pastor at the service shared some verses from the bible which really touched me:

From Philippians 4:

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Now, even though I believe in God, I have never actively pursued the faith. I do not know if I will return to church.

I did not expect that that these two verses from the bible would now bring me comfort. At 8dp5dt, I am faced with this "not pregnant" peestick and the realities of a failed IVF cycle after 8 months of pills, injections, 3 operations including the loss of a fallopian tube, not to mention the money and countless effort rushing from work meetings for the medical appointments (I can go on..).  

During the memorial service, the pastor also spoke about closure. He encouraged people in grief to always remember the good, happy things that they have.  

For me in this situation, I would also like to make that choice. To thank God for already giving me a beautiful daughter Izzy who is fast blossoming into the smartest, sweetest little girl. And to be grateful for the mere fact that I have the financial means, to go down this path of doing IVF.  It may be a bit cliché, but explicitly counting my blessings is a powerful antidote for me.
 
We have two frozen embryos left and I understand myself well know to know that I will not give up without another (or two) IVF attempts. Life goes on.

But first, I think a break from trying to conceive will be good for me. I need to recalibrate myself and plan ahead. I understand going in that, while I may ultimately succeed on my journey, there are going to be bumps – big ones – along the road. It really helps by knowing that, owning it, working through it when it happens, and remembering all the other things that are right in my world. 

IMHO Dr Google's Early BFPs are a Conspiracy

Ok I confess. I tested again yesterday at 6dp5dt. Needless to say, it was another BFN.

This time, in addition to googling "6dp5dt, any hope?", I took my ttc obsession to a new height. I called up my IVF clinic nurse and asked her for details of my successful IVF two years ago. Specifically, I asked her for transfer date, beta date and the HCG test result.

So I had my FET on 30th January 2014 and my bloodtest 11 days later on 10th February at 11dp5dt. The beta reading was 769. Doing the math, assuming it is true that HCG levels double everyday, this would mean my HCG levels on the following dpts would be as follows:

11dp5dt - 769
10dp5dt - 385
9dp5dt - 192
8dp5dt - 96
7dp5dt - 48
6dp5dt - 24

What this means that at 6dp5dt, there is no way that a HCG of 24 would have registered a BFP (WHEW). In fact, even at 7dp5dt, a HCG of 48 would not be picked up by Clearblue, which has a detection level of 50! In fact, I recall that during the last cycle, I had tested on the morning of 9dp5dt and gotten a stark BFN within the first ten minutes. I have a deep impression of this because I went for a long hard hour run, to vent my frustration, thinking I had failed the cycle. Imagine my shock when I returned later and saw that a second line had developed on the stick - it was a lot of worry (shucks what have I done) and exhilaration all rolled into one that day.

Which brings me to my point here. How can it be, that there are so many early BFPs on Dr Google? I don't mean just on 7dp5dt. I mean, there are so many women who register BFPs as early as 4dp5dt, 5dp5dt and 6dp5dt online! One website even has a poll result which shows that 70% of all women who are pregnant get positive pregnancy test results by 6dp5dt! 

In my humble opinion, there might be some pregnancy test makers trolling the internet posting these early pregnancy test BFPs. And clearly tormenting women like me who do not have super implanter embryos but are encouraged to start testing early because "everyone else is doing it". And of course, blowing large sums of money on buying home pregnancy test kits. It's a conspiracy maybe? Haha.

Anyway, I plan to test again tomorrow at 8dp5dt using the clearblue digital with conception indicator. The detection levels are as follows :

1-2 weeks = 25miu to 200miu
2-3 weeks = 201miu to 2000miu
3+ weeks = >2000miu

If it's yet another BFN, I'll have no more mathematical excuses.

On a happier note, I can console myself with one (or two) glasses of wine - it's Friday night afterall!

4dp5dt - BFN It's Early Yet, Still Hopeful

So the FET happened last Thursday and POAS addict I am (though it's been a while), I couldn't resist and broke out one of my clear blue HPTs today. So much for telling myself not to test too early and to wait for at least 6dp5dt so I don't get unnecessarily disappointed.

A stark white BFN!

No matter how hard I squinted or turned the stick towards the light - nada, no second line.

Here are my symptoms to-date:

0dp5dt - came home from the hospital with a dull tummyache. Was a bit constipated from the prog supps, thinking it's likely due to that. I ran to the toilet about 3 - 4 times but it doesn't seem to help ease the ache.

1dp5dt - More tummyache, or wait, could these be cramps? I'm one of those lucky ones who never ever get period cramps so I honestly cannot tell the difference between the two. Dr Google suggests cramps if it's lower down - hmm ok it's cramps then. Friday night so went to watch "Suicide Squad" with the hubs. Pretty violent show, not sure if it was good to put my precious embie (we only put in ONE) through it but I enjoyed the movie. Is it my imagination or did I have a sharp twinge on the left ovary area as we walked to the cinema?

2dp5dt - There was a bit of pink on the progesterone residue (sorry TMI) when I wiped this morning. Was thrilled to think it might be implantation bleeding, until the clinic nurse told me it was more likely irritation from all the prog supps I'm stuffing up myself. I sank from cloud ten pretty darn quickly there.

3dp5dt - No symptoms except for cramps again, especially before bed. Again, futile attempts to the toilet to relieve the ache. Hmm I really hate all the hormones I'm on. It was a happy Sunday though - we brought Izzy out to the Park and some indoor playground and she had a blast. I am reminded how lucky I am to have her - even if this fails and she's all I have, I'm darned blessed already.

4dp5dt - As mentioned, tested this morning and BFN. No more cramps, just feeling moody from hormones overload and had a fight with the Hubs over some finance matters. Feeling like a monster and he clearly doesn't understand that he should have just steered clear of these discussions during this period.

I know it's still a bit early in the game to test and I shouldn't read too much into the BFN now. But then, I see all those early BFPs people are getting online and I think :" Why not me?" This, plus all the discomfort from my raging hormones are really getting me down.

God Willing - For #2

Izzy's almost two years old now, and B and I have been talking about giving her a sibling. I come from a big family with 4 kids, so I genuinely believe that a sibling is the best gift that we as parents can give to Izzy. B is an only child, but despite his insistence that "no, he was not lonely",  we both agree that we want another child.

Izzy was our IVF miracle, and since early this year, we have been trying to do another frozen embryo transfer using the 3 "do-re-me" embryos leftover from Izzy's batch. Unfortunately,  when we started trying, the doctor diagnosed me with Asherman's syndrome. In a simple medical nutshell, I had adhesions in my womb as a result of the emergency D&C post Izzy's natural delivery, when the placenta got retained inside. The adhesions prevented my uterine lining from growing sufficiently thick to host any embryos.

I have gone for two hysteroscopy procedures since to clear the adhesions, and cancelled as many IVF cycles, due to insufficient lining thickness. Eight months of swallowing hormones later (I suffer from blue-pill-phobia), I am happy to announce that I have finally gotten the green light to do the embryo transfer tomorrow!

Woohoos aside, to be very honest, I still worry because my lining is only 7.4mm, which is barely over the minimum 7mm which my doctor needs to proceed with the transfer. For the past two weeks, I have tried everything Doctor Google tells me can help to boost lining growth: Acupuncture, raspberry leaf tea, pork bone soups, even fertility yoga. I know I need to thank God that the lining did manage to grow over 7mm this time around (last 2 times I was stuck on 4.9mm and 5.5mm and had to cancel the cycles). But instead, I can't seem to get get past the "why cannot grow thicker" thought gnawing in my head - I am just a ball of nerves and anxiety now.

Perhaps it's because I've invested so much time and effort these past 8 months, that failure would really be a hard hit. Every  embryo transfer brings so much hope, and that PUPO - "Pregnant until proven otherwise" status just elevates me higher for a harder hit should I fall.

I need to just relax and leave it in His hands.

Wish me luck guys. Hopefully I'll bring good news on Izzy version 2 soon.

  

More than "Mom"

It’s a Monday afternoon in the office and I’m sitting at my desk reminiscing the weekend that’s past. That smile on my 17 month baby girl’s face when we torpedoed her around the pool. The big hug she gave me before I left home for work this morning. That “I just want to sit here and sniff your head for days” thought, as I gave her one last kiss.  

Yes I love being a mom. It’s back-breaking work but I love it.  In fact, we plan to have one more. Another little being I know I will lose sleep taking care of.  Another one I will strive to parent to the best of my ability and help to mould into a thoughtful, caring little person.  

But I’m not a mom.

Not just a mom, anyway.  I’m actually a lot more than that.

I have a day job that I’m good at. The job pays me well and most days I enjoy my career. Outside of work, I have a great group of friends who I hang out regularly with.  We go back a long way and although some of us are parents now, we still try to do irresponsible things often involving alcohol when we get together - it makes us feel young.

No, I don’t define myself as a mother.

I’m a person who has goals and dreams of my own beyond children and motherhood.

Izzy is a huge part of my life, but she’s not my life. When she’s 18 and has her own life set out before her with all its sparkling possibilities, I’ll be (gasp) 54 years old and I’ll still have my own career, friends and irresponsible moments.

I am lucky in that I have help with Izzy in the form of daycare, a domestic helper and her indulgent grandparents.  But like other mothers in society, I face the expectation to be “Mom” all the time.  Mothers are supposed to always be there for their children and understand what mumbling toddlers are saying.  “Mom” must not cringe when changing baby diapers and we must remember the colour of baby’s poop from last Tuesday.

I try but I really cannot make out what Izzy is saying most of the time. And with help, I only have poop duties once a week when the helper is on leave.  

Next weekend we are going to Hong Kong on a holiday and no we are not bringing Izzy. In fact, dare I admit that she still doesn’t have her passport.  I don’t blame people for asking though, because like I mentioned, there’s always going to be that expectation that “Mom”’ is there ALL. THE. TIME.

To be brutally honest, it would just be too difficult bringing a toddler out to champagne brunch or a Michelin-starred restaurant. 

I don’t like how it’s a bonus if men happen to be great dads.  On top of the expectation that men, regardless of whether or not they are fathers, are encouraged and expected to have ambitions of their own.

I guess the reason for this post is to reaffirm to myself that not making my life all about my child (hopefully children soon) will benefit them in the long run. They will have a well-rounded mother they can look up to as a role model and not only because I’m a good mom. They, in turn, will grow up as people who don’t feel pressured to define themselves in narrow terms.

We raise our daughters to be articulate and goal-oriented. We teach them they can be anything they want to be in life. But we sometimes don’t afford ourselves the same privilege.

We are women who happen to be moms, and so much more.

Milkmaid

"Enjoying motherhood so far?", people would ask. "Yes", I would reply, "But I feel like a cow".

I blame all the media for making breastfeeding look so easy. It's almost as if all babies already go through breastfeeding school in the womb and know exactly what to do. Two weeks after birth, my little Izzy still cannot and mostly refuse to latch. Trust me, when you have to force a wailing hungry baby to your breast everyday and to hear her cry because she cannot get to milk, you'd want to burst into tears yourself. Yesterday after a particularly upsetting episode of feed-her-not, I tearfully announced to B, "No more, I am exclusively pumping from now on". He just nodded, knowing full well I would likely still keep trying. (I am. Stay tuned for more updates.)

I also had trouble with milk production. I've read the reason is because of all the drugs used during the labour induction process. Together with the traumatic loss of blood and emergency uterine flush they had to perform on me (I thought I was gonna die), my milk glands went on strike. My colostrum only came in on day 4 or 5 after birth! In the end we had to feed Izzy formula first. Even after the colostrum, my milk supply was really pathetic.

Thankfully, I had advice from my sis in law and we got the lactation consultant to make a house visit. Since then, my supply has increased significantly, though I'm still working to stabilize it. They say the average baby consumes approximately 750ml of milk a day. So far I am up to about 600ml and increasing daily. Thank God.

I thought it might be useful to share some of the tips that really helped me.

1. Doppler tablets. These were prescribed by the paediatrician when I brought Izzy to see her on Day 5. The tablets are meant to kick start the milk production but not meant to be taken long term.

2. Pump frequently. My sis in law strongly advised me that since baby was not latching, I needed to follow the baby's feeding pattern and pump every 2-3 hours to stimulate more supply. Her target for me was 8 times a day but unfortunately I need at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep so 7 times is the most I've been able to do. 730am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 9pm and 11.30pm are the rough timings I try to pump everyday. Somedays it feels like I'm permanently attached to my medela freestyle! 

3. Fenugreek. I just started taking this yesterday (Day 14 after birth) and today I noticed a significant increase in milk production. Good stuff.

4. Drink more water. The confinement lady feeds me soup at lunch, before dinner, at dinner and before bed, as well as plenty of red date tea throughout the day. It makes sense, I feel thirsty all the time - all the water from milk lost.

I guess the message I wanted to share with new mothers who encounter problems breastfeeding is : don't give up, all it takes is time and you have to invest effort. It's still a learning process for me, hopefully it gets easier!

Her Birth Story

1am - We check into the hospital and the nurse inserts the first pessary to help the cervix dilate. I have to lie there for 2 hours before I can get up to go pee and sleep.

6am - I am woken up again for electronic fetal monitoring. I can feel some mild contractions on the right side.

8.30am - Dr Loi arrives and checks that I am 2cm dilated. She stretches a bit more and bursts my water bag with a long stick-like apparatus. Eeiks I think, expecting pain but nah, it is just a warm gush when the water bag breaks.

10am - Since I am Strep-B positive they start me on the antibiotic drip. From here on I am confined to bed. Some lower back pain can be felt at this point.

11am - In comes the anaesthetist Dr Foo who starts me on the oxytocin hormone drip to kick start contractions. She also put in the epidural catheter. Now this is scary for me, as I've heard scary stories on how the injection to the back can go wrong. I am super tense but luckily local anaesthesia is first given to numb the area.  

2pm - Dr Loi returns to check on me. "3 - 4cm dilated", she announces. What?! After so long I've only dilated that little? "How much longer, do you think?" I ask. "Another 6 - 7 hours" she replied. FAINT.

4pm - I feel restless from lying in bed and also slightly unwell. "Hungry.." I moan to the husband. And then, I vomited. Apparently some people get nausea from epidural; and I am one of them.

4.15pm - I say a little prayer to ask to speed things up.

6pm - Nurse examines me. He heard my prayer! I am almost fully dilated.

7.30pm - Dr Loi arrives and we start pushing. OMG. I have seen women giving birth on TV but I never expected pushing to be so difficult! Three counts of ten to push before I can rest during contractions, I can imagine it is almost like running a marathon. 

8.30pm - A full hour of pushing and they can see a ten cent coin area of her head. "She has a lot of hair", Dr Loi says. "Push hard, let's get her out".

8.45pm - I am exhausted and Dr Loi decides to assist the delivery using a vacuum. She also explains that she will need to cut me. ARGH, just what I was worried about. But no matter, I agree - just get the baby out fast.

9.13pm - Isabelle arrives! They plonk her on my chest, all warm, slimy and squirming 3kg of her. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  

Letter to Izzy

Dear Isabelle,

Words cannot describe how excited I am to finally meet you, and how much I, along with everyone else in the family, love you already. Tomorrow night we go into the hospital and hopefully, it won't be too long before you are in my arms.

Will you look like me, or will you resemble daddy more? They say the first born tends to take after the father, so I hope you will be smart (just kidding). On a slightly more serious note, it both scares and thrills me (and daddy) that you will likely have both our stubbornness combined. Good luck to us when feeding you greens, and our sympathy to the men who will need to win you over when you are 35 and start dating.

Ouch, you just kicked me really hard in the ribs again. I was kidding! You can date when you turn 25.

Anyway, the truth is that along with my excitement, I am also a bit worried about the whole motherhood business. You know, I've always known I wanted you in my life. But now that you are almost here, it just seems more real than before, and I would lying if I said I was confident I will be a good mother. In many ways, I still feel very much like a (albeit very old) child myself. To have a tiny being totally reliant on me - wow that's a big step. Every parent tells me that nothing will prepare us for being a parent, I am reminding myself of that.

Please trust I will try my best. Learn the diapering ropes and build up my biceps rocking you to sleep.  And even if I am never going to be supermum, I will be the best I can be - your protector, your biggest fan, and your bff (until you turn 7 years old, and decide you need cooler friends).

So looking forward to meeting you so we can start being a family and find our way.

Kiss you soon darling.

Love,
Mommy

 

The Game Plan

I had my 37w+5 appointment today and the baby measured 3.3kg. That sounded mighty big to me, considering that I've only put on about 8kg so far. Given my petite frame, I got a bit worried and couldn't help asking the doc if I could induce labour at 39 weeks.

Now I have done enough internet research to know that induction, unless for medical reasons such as gestational diabetes or reduced movement, is not encouraged. The ultimate concern is that if induction fails, an emergency C-section might be necessary.

But I had to explore my options.

The doctor started her assessment by checking my cervix and pronounced me 1 cm dilated and cervix "soft". What this meant is that induction would likely work, since my body was already gearing up for delivery.

Second, given that the baby would likely hit 3.5kg by 39 weeks, the doc felt comfortable that inducing a week before her EDD would not compromise her development.

Finally, since B was going to need to travel for work the first and third weeks of November, inducing her a week early would mean he will be around during the first few weeks of Izzy's birth - an important consideration as I will need all the support I can get.

So there and then, we decided to go into the hospital next Friday October 10th midnight to get induced. They will put in the first pessary to kick start the labour process.

It's funny how real this is becoming after we set a date to it - yes we are finally meeting her! More updates to come :)

Full Term 37 Weeks

Yesterday was my last day (until next Feb anyway) as a corporate hamster and words cannot describe how relieved I am that I am officially on leave/ annual leave! What a luxury not having to log into my work laptop this morning. 

On my to-do list this weekend:

1. Pack my hospital bag -  37 weeks today so Izzy can arrive anytime and we'll need to grab and run. In addition to my kindle, camera, maternity essentials (nursing bras, maternity pads, nipple cream, breast pads etc), toiletries, PJs, bedroom slippers etc, I also packed Bunny - he's kinda a family pet and needs to be there with us, heh.

2. Wash Izzy's clothes - there's A LOT of laundry to be done since we received tons of hand me down clothing. Look at how pretty the "little me" clothes look hanging on the balcony!

3. Plan how to maximise the time I have before she arrives. Lucky for me I have about ten days of leave to clear before taking maternity leave. A lot of my mummy friends have advised that I spend this time wisely. So yes, plenty of "catching up on sleep", "getting me-time" and "body maintenance" - getting the pedicures and facials before life as I know gets chaotic. 

Exciting times ahead!  

35.5 Weeks and Work-Life Balance

I really need to be more dilligent about maintaining this blog, hopefully I'll have more time when I start clearing my annual leave at Week 37.

1.5 more weeks to go! Work has been seriously, ridiculously bad. I am still clearing the backlog of work from the 4 months I was away (so much for having a person to cover me), and on top of that there's still new stuff pouring in. My heart sank when the boss handed me a new model to build last Friday. I seriously need to consider my priorities after the baby is here. It's not healthy how I've been staying late in the office and/or logging in after dinner EVERY NIGHT to work. And let's just say the boss isn't the most appreciative person around. It might just be the hormones, but I was so stressed and exhausted last night I almost broke down when chatting to B about my day. At the rate I am going, Izzy is going to be born one high-strung, anxious kid! Cry.

Dear Lord, please give me the strength to finish up the current work to the best I can, and importantly, give me the courage to say no to new tasks. Give me clarity in my priorities as a wife and soon-to-be-mother, and help me weigh life's challenges in a manner that brings glory to you. Thank you for all that I am blessed with, and remind me each day to show the people I love and who love me just how much I appreciate them. Amen. 


   

Week 20 - Team Pink!

We had our 20 week anomaly scan today. Don't want to bore you with details, but it's a thorough (took almost an hour) scan that looks at the baby to check that it's developing properly (major organs, fingers, toes, spine, facial features etc) and also at where the placenta is lying in the uterus. Baby looks fine (yay!), but I have marginal placenta previa. This is when the placenta attaches too close to the cervix which might cause bleeding. But doc reassures me it's quite common at 20 weeks, and there is a high chance the placenta moves up later. Just in case, I'm told not to carry heavy things (yes mdm) or walk too much (hmm a bit hard for me). Doc also gave me some progesterone pills to standby when I travel next week. 

Thank God for watching over my little one and keeping her safe and healthy. Yes, it's a little girl, the scan confirmed it! I am so happy, it's like the cosmic pieces of the universe have come together in my belly and I feel "completed" in His blessing. 

I also weighed myself at the clinic. 47.8kg, which means I've put on slightly more than 4kg of pregnancy weight. A quick check here shows that at 20 weeks, my minimum weight should be 48kg, maximum should be 50kg, and average weight should be 49kg. Although I'm on the lower end, it's still healthy whew. 

B and I had a very quiet Friday night, just the two of us and simple dinner at Great World City foodcourt. We made our first two big ticket purchases for baby - the Stokke Mini and Sleeper cot, as well as the matching changing table. 

They weren't cheap but we loved the cot from day one, so it was definitely a carefully considered indulgence. The expense can also be looked at as a long term investment because both the cot and changing table are designed to adapt and transform as the baby grows. 

The Stokke Mini (#1) sleeps an infant up to 6 moths, then it can convert to the Sleepi Bed (#2, 3) for up to 3 years old. The base can be lowered, so it is ideal when the baby is standing or sitting on its own. Then for toddlers and up to 7 years old, you can further convert to the Sleepi Junior (#4,5). Finally, you can just convert to a chair. 

The Stokke changing table too, can be converted into a study table for junior and later a bookshelf or rack. 

Can't wait to make more purchases for baby!

Apple and Poppy Seed Coleslaw

I've been cooking a lot this sabbatical but not posting the food here. But this simple gem of a recipe I found on this website is too good not to share. So easy but so delicious and refreshing. There are a lot of commercial coleslaws out there but nothing beats home-made goodness. I tweaked the recipe by adding an additional splash of apple cider vinger because I like my coleslaw tangy. Perfect! I feel happy just looking at the pretty bowl of coleslaw. 

Yield 6 servings

INGREDIENTS

2 cups shredded green cabbage

1 1/2 cups shredded red cabbage

1/2 cup shredded carrot

1 Granny Smith apple, julienned

2 tablespoons mayonnaise

3 tablespoons olive oil

1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar

Juice of 1 lemon

1 tablespoon poppy seeds

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

INSTRUCTIONS

In a large bowl, combine the green cabbage, red cabbage, carrot and apple.In a large glass measuring cup or another bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, olive oil, vinegar, lemon juice, poppy seeds, salt and pepper, to taste.Pour mixture over cabbage mixture and stir using a rubber spatula until well combined. Cover and place in the refrigerator for at least one hour.Serve cold. 

Kin Kin Chilli Ban Mee

I'm a couple of months late but I finally made it to Kin Kin! The popular stall from KL opened its first outlet in Singapore, and from what I've seen on social media, the queues were just crazy long the first few weeks. The good news is that while the restaurant was quite busy last Saturday afternoon, we easily got a table, placed our orders and got our food in less than 20 minutes. 

The bad news is that I felt a bit cheated by the price. I can accept paying $5 for a basic bowl of noodles but $3 more for 4 miserable clams leaves a bad taste. Notwithstanding the poor value, the food itself was pretty tasty. The noodles were fresh with a good texture. The chilli was the star and packed enough omph. Together with the oozy egg yolk and minced pork, it made for a fairly satisfying meal. 

We ordered pork and fish balls to share. The pork balls were ok but the fish balls stood out. Softer than the usual fish balls I am used to, a bit like tofu. Interesting in a good way.

Would I go back? To be honest, I don't think so - Macpherson is a bit out of the way for me and I've had better ban mee elsewhere. I suppose the fact that I had the runs that night also make me hesitant to return, haha.   

Marimekko for Banana Republic

Happy day - I am on a shopping high!

Banana Republic's hot collaboration with Finnish fashion house Marimekko has been on my radar since it was announced. Think bold prints and over-sized polka dots in bright cheery colours! It launched TODAY in the U.S. and will be in Singapore shops later, but guess what I did?

I logged onto the Banana Republic website and bought my pieces online. No need to jostle with the crowd for my size 0 petite (yes for short people like me!). But wait, that's not all. The best part was that I got 25% off my purchase - woohoo! 

Here's a hot tip. The BR website is giving a discount for "first timers" and once you register, they email the discount code to your email address. Here are the pieces I bought, the Siirtolapuurtarha dress, and the peplum top with shorts. Love the print! 

Inspiration to lose my baby weight to fit into these. Going for a run now, before dinner, haha.
    

New Lor Mee Find at Eunos

I've been taking driving lessons at Ubi driving centre and since I'm on sabbatical (i.e. have no income), I've sensibly been taking public transport. Which means a home-Somerset MRT-Eunos MRT-home route. And luckily for me, I was particularly famished after my lesson today and so I headed directly for the hawker centre at Eunos MRT for lunch. 

It was a no brainer picking this stall. "Fu Chun Laksa Lor Mee" it was called. The queue moved quickly, which I was grateful for. Not making excuses for my gluttony but these days when I am hungry, I need food asap!

It was only 12 noon but the laksa was sold out. No matter, I love lor mee. 

This bowl of lor mee was $3.50, very decently priced for what it was. Lots of noodles and ingredients - 1.5 stewed egg (I asked for an extra), 2 good sized battered fish pieces (very tasty and crispy!), 2 ngoh hiang balls and some pork slices. What I also liked was the flavorful sauce and the consistency was just right, not too thick and not too watery. I was very satisfied!    

Audi Fashion Festival

First of all, a minor victory that this pregnant lady yours truly managed to fit her 18 week bump into her Ong Shunmugam dress. Second, she is so wowed by the new collection showcased at this year's Audi Fashion Festival that she now has new motivation to lose her impending baby weight in order to do the pieces she will/ must acquire justice. 

Ong Shunmugam has made a name for herself with the brand's interpretations of the traditional Asian dress. This season, she takes it further again matching with some traditional batik prints with bold modern geometric prints -  lovely! See an example of what I mean - batik top with geometric skirt.

(I wished I had more and better pics to show for tonight but I only had my handphone camera and it's not very good). 

The show started with some cropped top and culotte outfits which were nice but I dare not be ambitious enough to think I can carry off. Next, she also had some nice traditionally cut cheongsam dresses in muted yellows and blues, dang, can my wardrobe accept more cheongsams? Maybe I should get this flirty flare cut cheongsam piece (argh super blurry shot) - that lovely muted green!

There were some funkier front drapey (think hanging cloth in between legs) which looked interesting. Will need to try these to decide they are feasible for me. Also keeping fingers crossed I can fit the slightly pointed shoulders of some of the dresses. Can't wait for the new collection pics to be uploaded on her website in their full glory. Here are some from Instagram. 

Thanks A for asking me along.