Get Up and Try Again

I went for a lovely funeral memorial service on Monday. A family member of a close friend has suddenly died, and my friend and her family were clearly shocked and distraught. The pastor at the service shared some verses from the bible which really touched me:

From Philippians 4:

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Now, even though I believe in God, I have never actively pursued the faith. I do not know if I will return to church.

I did not expect that that these two verses from the bible would now bring me comfort. At 8dp5dt, I am faced with this "not pregnant" peestick and the realities of a failed IVF cycle after 8 months of pills, injections, 3 operations including the loss of a fallopian tube, not to mention the money and countless effort rushing from work meetings for the medical appointments (I can go on..).  

During the memorial service, the pastor also spoke about closure. He encouraged people in grief to always remember the good, happy things that they have.  

For me in this situation, I would also like to make that choice. To thank God for already giving me a beautiful daughter Izzy who is fast blossoming into the smartest, sweetest little girl. And to be grateful for the mere fact that I have the financial means, to go down this path of doing IVF.  It may be a bit cliché, but explicitly counting my blessings is a powerful antidote for me.
 
We have two frozen embryos left and I understand myself well know to know that I will not give up without another (or two) IVF attempts. Life goes on.

But first, I think a break from trying to conceive will be good for me. I need to recalibrate myself and plan ahead. I understand going in that, while I may ultimately succeed on my journey, there are going to be bumps – big ones – along the road. It really helps by knowing that, owning it, working through it when it happens, and remembering all the other things that are right in my world.