Milkmaid

"Enjoying motherhood so far?", people would ask. "Yes", I would reply, "But I feel like a cow".

I blame all the media for making breastfeeding look so easy. It's almost as if all babies already go through breastfeeding school in the womb and know exactly what to do. Two weeks after birth, my little Izzy still cannot and mostly refuse to latch. Trust me, when you have to force a wailing hungry baby to your breast everyday and to hear her cry because she cannot get to milk, you'd want to burst into tears yourself. Yesterday after a particularly upsetting episode of feed-her-not, I tearfully announced to B, "No more, I am exclusively pumping from now on". He just nodded, knowing full well I would likely still keep trying. (I am. Stay tuned for more updates.)

I also had trouble with milk production. I've read the reason is because of all the drugs used during the labour induction process. Together with the traumatic loss of blood and emergency uterine flush they had to perform on me (I thought I was gonna die), my milk glands went on strike. My colostrum only came in on day 4 or 5 after birth! In the end we had to feed Izzy formula first. Even after the colostrum, my milk supply was really pathetic.

Thankfully, I had advice from my sis in law and we got the lactation consultant to make a house visit. Since then, my supply has increased significantly, though I'm still working to stabilize it. They say the average baby consumes approximately 750ml of milk a day. So far I am up to about 600ml and increasing daily. Thank God.

I thought it might be useful to share some of the tips that really helped me.

1. Doppler tablets. These were prescribed by the paediatrician when I brought Izzy to see her on Day 5. The tablets are meant to kick start the milk production but not meant to be taken long term.

2. Pump frequently. My sis in law strongly advised me that since baby was not latching, I needed to follow the baby's feeding pattern and pump every 2-3 hours to stimulate more supply. Her target for me was 8 times a day but unfortunately I need at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep so 7 times is the most I've been able to do. 730am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 9pm and 11.30pm are the rough timings I try to pump everyday. Somedays it feels like I'm permanently attached to my medela freestyle! 

3. Fenugreek. I just started taking this yesterday (Day 14 after birth) and today I noticed a significant increase in milk production. Good stuff.

4. Drink more water. The confinement lady feeds me soup at lunch, before dinner, at dinner and before bed, as well as plenty of red date tea throughout the day. It makes sense, I feel thirsty all the time - all the water from milk lost.

I guess the message I wanted to share with new mothers who encounter problems breastfeeding is : don't give up, all it takes is time and you have to invest effort. It's still a learning process for me, hopefully it gets easier!

Her Birth Story

1am - We check into the hospital and the nurse inserts the first pessary to help the cervix dilate. I have to lie there for 2 hours before I can get up to go pee and sleep.

6am - I am woken up again for electronic fetal monitoring. I can feel some mild contractions on the right side.

8.30am - Dr Loi arrives and checks that I am 2cm dilated. She stretches a bit more and bursts my water bag with a long stick-like apparatus. Eeiks I think, expecting pain but nah, it is just a warm gush when the water bag breaks.

10am - Since I am Strep-B positive they start me on the antibiotic drip. From here on I am confined to bed. Some lower back pain can be felt at this point.

11am - In comes the anaesthetist Dr Foo who starts me on the oxytocin hormone drip to kick start contractions. She also put in the epidural catheter. Now this is scary for me, as I've heard scary stories on how the injection to the back can go wrong. I am super tense but luckily local anaesthesia is first given to numb the area.  

2pm - Dr Loi returns to check on me. "3 - 4cm dilated", she announces. What?! After so long I've only dilated that little? "How much longer, do you think?" I ask. "Another 6 - 7 hours" she replied. FAINT.

4pm - I feel restless from lying in bed and also slightly unwell. "Hungry.." I moan to the husband. And then, I vomited. Apparently some people get nausea from epidural; and I am one of them.

4.15pm - I say a little prayer to ask to speed things up.

6pm - Nurse examines me. He heard my prayer! I am almost fully dilated.

7.30pm - Dr Loi arrives and we start pushing. OMG. I have seen women giving birth on TV but I never expected pushing to be so difficult! Three counts of ten to push before I can rest during contractions, I can imagine it is almost like running a marathon. 

8.30pm - A full hour of pushing and they can see a ten cent coin area of her head. "She has a lot of hair", Dr Loi says. "Push hard, let's get her out".

8.45pm - I am exhausted and Dr Loi decides to assist the delivery using a vacuum. She also explains that she will need to cut me. ARGH, just what I was worried about. But no matter, I agree - just get the baby out fast.

9.13pm - Isabelle arrives! They plonk her on my chest, all warm, slimy and squirming 3kg of her. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  

Letter to Izzy

Dear Isabelle,

Words cannot describe how excited I am to finally meet you, and how much I, along with everyone else in the family, love you already. Tomorrow night we go into the hospital and hopefully, it won't be too long before you are in my arms.

Will you look like me, or will you resemble daddy more? They say the first born tends to take after the father, so I hope you will be smart (just kidding). On a slightly more serious note, it both scares and thrills me (and daddy) that you will likely have both our stubbornness combined. Good luck to us when feeding you greens, and our sympathy to the men who will need to win you over when you are 35 and start dating.

Ouch, you just kicked me really hard in the ribs again. I was kidding! You can date when you turn 25.

Anyway, the truth is that along with my excitement, I am also a bit worried about the whole motherhood business. You know, I've always known I wanted you in my life. But now that you are almost here, it just seems more real than before, and I would lying if I said I was confident I will be a good mother. In many ways, I still feel very much like a (albeit very old) child myself. To have a tiny being totally reliant on me - wow that's a big step. Every parent tells me that nothing will prepare us for being a parent, I am reminding myself of that.

Please trust I will try my best. Learn the diapering ropes and build up my biceps rocking you to sleep.  And even if I am never going to be supermum, I will be the best I can be - your protector, your biggest fan, and your bff (until you turn 7 years old, and decide you need cooler friends).

So looking forward to meeting you so we can start being a family and find our way.

Kiss you soon darling.

Love,
Mommy

 

The Game Plan

I had my 37w+5 appointment today and the baby measured 3.3kg. That sounded mighty big to me, considering that I've only put on about 8kg so far. Given my petite frame, I got a bit worried and couldn't help asking the doc if I could induce labour at 39 weeks.

Now I have done enough internet research to know that induction, unless for medical reasons such as gestational diabetes or reduced movement, is not encouraged. The ultimate concern is that if induction fails, an emergency C-section might be necessary.

But I had to explore my options.

The doctor started her assessment by checking my cervix and pronounced me 1 cm dilated and cervix "soft". What this meant is that induction would likely work, since my body was already gearing up for delivery.

Second, given that the baby would likely hit 3.5kg by 39 weeks, the doc felt comfortable that inducing a week before her EDD would not compromise her development.

Finally, since B was going to need to travel for work the first and third weeks of November, inducing her a week early would mean he will be around during the first few weeks of Izzy's birth - an important consideration as I will need all the support I can get.

So there and then, we decided to go into the hospital next Friday October 10th midnight to get induced. They will put in the first pessary to kick start the labour process.

It's funny how real this is becoming after we set a date to it - yes we are finally meeting her! More updates to come :)

Full Term 37 Weeks

Yesterday was my last day (until next Feb anyway) as a corporate hamster and words cannot describe how relieved I am that I am officially on leave/ annual leave! What a luxury not having to log into my work laptop this morning. 

On my to-do list this weekend:

1. Pack my hospital bag -  37 weeks today so Izzy can arrive anytime and we'll need to grab and run. In addition to my kindle, camera, maternity essentials (nursing bras, maternity pads, nipple cream, breast pads etc), toiletries, PJs, bedroom slippers etc, I also packed Bunny - he's kinda a family pet and needs to be there with us, heh.

2. Wash Izzy's clothes - there's A LOT of laundry to be done since we received tons of hand me down clothing. Look at how pretty the "little me" clothes look hanging on the balcony!

3. Plan how to maximise the time I have before she arrives. Lucky for me I have about ten days of leave to clear before taking maternity leave. A lot of my mummy friends have advised that I spend this time wisely. So yes, plenty of "catching up on sleep", "getting me-time" and "body maintenance" - getting the pedicures and facials before life as I know gets chaotic. 

Exciting times ahead!  

35.5 Weeks and Work-Life Balance

I really need to be more dilligent about maintaining this blog, hopefully I'll have more time when I start clearing my annual leave at Week 37.

1.5 more weeks to go! Work has been seriously, ridiculously bad. I am still clearing the backlog of work from the 4 months I was away (so much for having a person to cover me), and on top of that there's still new stuff pouring in. My heart sank when the boss handed me a new model to build last Friday. I seriously need to consider my priorities after the baby is here. It's not healthy how I've been staying late in the office and/or logging in after dinner EVERY NIGHT to work. And let's just say the boss isn't the most appreciative person around. It might just be the hormones, but I was so stressed and exhausted last night I almost broke down when chatting to B about my day. At the rate I am going, Izzy is going to be born one high-strung, anxious kid! Cry.

Dear Lord, please give me the strength to finish up the current work to the best I can, and importantly, give me the courage to say no to new tasks. Give me clarity in my priorities as a wife and soon-to-be-mother, and help me weigh life's challenges in a manner that brings glory to you. Thank you for all that I am blessed with, and remind me each day to show the people I love and who love me just how much I appreciate them. Amen. 


   

Week 20 - Team Pink!

We had our 20 week anomaly scan today. Don't want to bore you with details, but it's a thorough (took almost an hour) scan that looks at the baby to check that it's developing properly (major organs, fingers, toes, spine, facial features etc) and also at where the placenta is lying in the uterus. Baby looks fine (yay!), but I have marginal placenta previa. This is when the placenta attaches too close to the cervix which might cause bleeding. But doc reassures me it's quite common at 20 weeks, and there is a high chance the placenta moves up later. Just in case, I'm told not to carry heavy things (yes mdm) or walk too much (hmm a bit hard for me). Doc also gave me some progesterone pills to standby when I travel next week. 

Thank God for watching over my little one and keeping her safe and healthy. Yes, it's a little girl, the scan confirmed it! I am so happy, it's like the cosmic pieces of the universe have come together in my belly and I feel "completed" in His blessing. 

I also weighed myself at the clinic. 47.8kg, which means I've put on slightly more than 4kg of pregnancy weight. A quick check here shows that at 20 weeks, my minimum weight should be 48kg, maximum should be 50kg, and average weight should be 49kg. Although I'm on the lower end, it's still healthy whew. 

B and I had a very quiet Friday night, just the two of us and simple dinner at Great World City foodcourt. We made our first two big ticket purchases for baby - the Stokke Mini and Sleeper cot, as well as the matching changing table. 

They weren't cheap but we loved the cot from day one, so it was definitely a carefully considered indulgence. The expense can also be looked at as a long term investment because both the cot and changing table are designed to adapt and transform as the baby grows. 

The Stokke Mini (#1) sleeps an infant up to 6 moths, then it can convert to the Sleepi Bed (#2, 3) for up to 3 years old. The base can be lowered, so it is ideal when the baby is standing or sitting on its own. Then for toddlers and up to 7 years old, you can further convert to the Sleepi Junior (#4,5). Finally, you can just convert to a chair. 

The Stokke changing table too, can be converted into a study table for junior and later a bookshelf or rack. 

Can't wait to make more purchases for baby!